Ferris is turning one on April 20th.  My baby boy will have breathed life into his body, and Dan and mine essentially, for one full year on this incredible planet.  I have had some people say, “Do you miss your baby?”  Other people, “Are you sad?”  Still others, “Slow down and stay little, Ferris!”

 

My response?  I am so happy.

 

I am aware of the Circle of Life, and my son has to age.  If he continues to exceed at this process called growing, that means I am doing my part and at a decent job.

 

Someone asked me where I was at this time two years ago, and when I stopped and thought about it, I answered, “fully engulfed in IVF.”

 

And then I got to thinking.

 

Dan and I were going almost every day for me to have blood work done.  There were countless pills and shots that were timed down to the minute of when they would be administered.  There were more ultrasounds than stars in the sky, it seemed at times, and the needles, did I mention the needles?

 

And when I stop and think about the ice packs that helped numb the sting, the crying when it hurt really, really bad several hours later, the pills that did things to my body that would last for months on end, the bruises as signs of where the injection was…

 

That one time when I had so much blood drawn that a portion of my skin turned green.

 

And then I walk into Ferris’ room this morning, his eyes meet mine and that first thing out of his mouth is “HI!” followed by a smile that makes me smile no matter what has happened or will for that matter.

 

One love turned my entire world around.

 

He has driven me a healthy form of crazy, there is no doubt.  When I cannot get him into a car seat without singing so loud and acting silly and still he screams and bends backwards.  When he has countless dirty diapers every time we are about to walk out the door and have to stop and start over.  When he thinks it’s funny to do something that is going to hurt him, and my “no!” makes him giggle when I am trying to instill a safe environment.

 

When he got so sick that his body laid lifeless-like in my arms and all I wanted to do was take the pain away no matter how many outfits and strands of my hair he had thrown up all over me with.

 

Everyone loves his or her baby more than humanly possible, and I am no different.  I have chosen to share my story with you and so if it sounds like I am bias, it’s because I am.  I wanted this little baby more than I could imagine and still, I didn’t exactly know how much until they told me he was delivered and breathing and he was mine to hold.

 

God, the universe, and the stars all aligned when my last chance to carry a baby came with this little fighting embryo.  And now we celebrate that he is going to be one.

 

Am I sad?

 

Not at all.

 

And if you see tears, which come few and far between with me, it’s going to be that thing they dub as “happy tears”.

 

Because Ferris is turning into the most amazing little person I have ever met.  And I must have done something right to be the one to experience it with him, cheering him on as his biggest fan.

 

Happy birthday, my sweetheart.

 

Worth. Every. Needle.

 

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