Dan and I celebrate everything.  We believe life was meant to be lived and moments need to be recognized.

 

Many people know I am a big Sex and the City fan (hints my pup’s name is Mr. Big).  And those close to me know that Dan proposed in my beautiful walk-in closet, referencing the movie when Big proposed to Carrie.

 

So every October 18th is pretty special to me, as I can walk into my closet, close my eyes, and remember that night like it was happening in the present.

 

What I didn’t know at the time, that I see clearly today, is when he asked me to marry him, start forever after together, I was saying yes to a future time of uncertainty and loss when it comes to bringing another life into the story of us.

 

True Carrie and Big did not want children, but for Dan and I, we did.  We weren’t sure when or how many, but we believed that we were meant to be parents and that we would build a happy little family in our dream home.

 

Sometimes that fairy tale is not like the movie script, and there is real life along the way.

 

People making fun of how long you are waiting to have a baby.

 

People asking if you are even thinking about starting a family.

 

People telling you that you would not be a good mom.

 

People saying you should have x number of children.

 

People asking if I would quit my job once I have children.

 

People giving me gender desires if I do have a baby.

 

Little did anyone know, understand, or realize that those were all painful inquiries to a couple who thought they had the happily ever after.  A couple that was told they could not conceive “naturally.”  A couple with medical assistance still had a miscarriage.

 

A couple that would have one embryo left to conceive a child after going through IVF.

 

This is deep, raw, emotional pain.

 

This is not ride-into-the-sunset and queue the credits to a happy ending.  This is fighting, arguing, crying, bleeding, grieving, financially hurting, mentally and physically torturing, moments that define the strength of my husband’s and my love for each other.

 

And that’s why we continue to celebrate all the moments.

 

The closet is one of my favorite places in my current home.  And although life changes and things come and go, memories and pictures in my head stay with me.  I said yes to Dan and to all the good and bad that would come with a life together.

 

And knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t trade our infertility or IVF journey for a thing.

 

Because unlike Carrie and Big, I got a boy named Ferris.

 

And there is no movie script that can even come close to the happily ever after that little baby brings us.

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