Why this Infertility Warrior and Heart Health Advocate is Helping Parents Speak to Children About IVF — GoStork

Tess Kossow is the author of the children’s book series I’m Very Ferris focusing on IVF through a child’s perspective. After having her son Ferris…

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Carmel couple finds path to parenthood through in vitro fertilization

After more than a year of trying they turned to In Vitro Fertilization, an assisted reproductive technology designed to help people conceive.

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Normalizing IVF Babies with Tess Kossow

It was as if we were completely alone. Or maybe that’s how I felt when I said we couldn’t have a baby on our own. We were the first to go down this road of

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8 Thoughtful Gift Ideas for Those Going Through IVF

Know someone going through infertility treatment? This list of affordable, helpful IVF gifts will help you show support to those you care about this holiday season.

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Like many…it didn’t go quite as planned when resolutions were made at the start of it.

Most people are going to recall it as the year of Covid-19 or Coronavirus, depending on whom you talk to.

The year of the masks.

Except for me.

True, I will remember those things.

Yes, I will have my own opinions and beliefs regarding them, too.

But the pandemic will not be my memory of 2020.

It will be the year I was diagnosed with heart disease.

No warning.

No symptoms.

No cure.

37 years young.

Second book published, moved to a different state, Mr Big passed away in my arms, and in comes cardiomyopathy like an express train from Chicago to Geneva, IL with only four stops.

It will be the year I died and was reborn on October 10, 2020.

It will be the year that my body showed me how strong it really can be, even when it takes a break from living for a few seconds…or minutes…actually, I will never know how long I suffered cardiac arrest.

It will be the year that I fell even more in love with my husband than I ever fell before because of the strength he showed me. He reminded me how in the very worst of times, he will prevail as an amazing father and family man that he is inside and out. He drove four hours every day to be at my bedside in the ICU, always with a smile on his face and always with a bag packed for me as if that day would be the day he would drive me home.

It will be the year I saw how strong a two year old can be. My rainbow baby boy having to quit breastfeeding with no warning due to the new medications I would be on. Him having to learn how to fall asleep in an entirely new routine, again. Him having to learn how Mama cannot pick him up or hold him for a few weeks.

The first time we were ever away from each other overnight and I didn’t even get to say goodbye.

It will be the year that I had to search my soul and find strength I put away after IVF. Strength and questioning in a higher source, which for me is God. Wondering why, again, I was going through the unthinkable, and wondering why, again, I seem to fall into situations that I don’t think I deserve to be in.

But, let me stop and say what a great year it was in so many unforgettable ways.

I learned the power of community.
I learned the power of first responders.
I learned the power of friends.
I learned the power of family.
I learned the power of modern medicine.
I learned to power of love and loss, and how much I need a furbaby in Gatsby, probably more than he needs me.

I learned the power of a second chance.

Every moment counts in this life. So many of us think tomorrow is another day…but I know tomorrow never comes. Sometimes, tomorrow is too late. The opportunity to continue to make changes to my life and my outlook, how I eat and exercise, how I want to raise and guide my family, how I look at people when I see their true colors…sometimes you have to start now.

This website has gotten a facelift, if you will. I have made the decision to focus on more than infertility awareness.

Because I have a new passion and hunger for heart disease prevention. I partnered with the American Heart Association and Go Red for Women as I document my survival of sudden cardiac arrest and recovery with my internal defibrillator.
I need to take this new chapter in my story and expand upon it in order to help save another life besides mine.

Because sitting around feeling sorry for myself is not an option.
I have a lot of life left to live and helping others with a similar deck of cards might be my new calling.

Either way, I am back.
I am ready more than ever to bring the world a product and information I feel people want and need.

Welcome to tesskossow.com.

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Creating “I’m Very Ferris”: A Children’s Story of IVF

When Tess Kossow and her husband decided to move forward with IVF, they were given a 73% chance of success. Tess had a T-shaped uterus and a blocked tube, and her husband had low mobility. Given their chances, they decided the risk was worth it to try one IVF cycle. If it failed, they’d move on to adoption.

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Wednesday, October 7^th, Mr Big passed away unexpectedly.

Little did I know in four days, my heart would, literally, break.

Saturday, October 10^th, I was out at a farm, two hours from home, arriving at the pumpkin patch when out of nowhere my chest and left arm went into extreme pain.

My husband called 911, and I was taken to a hospital two hours from home.

The ER decided to keep me overnight for testing and evaluation and while moving me onto a different floor and bed; I went into cardiac arrest and after receiving CPR was on a ventilator for 12 hours.

I remember nothing past the time in the ER to the ventilator being pulled out from me and coughing non-stop.

I have relied on my support system and best friend, Dan, to tell me all this that happened to me.

I ended up staying four days in the ICU and now wear a defibrillator, as I wait for surgery to get a pacemaker.  I am on medications and will endure physical therapy to return to 100%.

No neurological or brain damage.

However, every day I now notice my breath, feel my heartbeat, am aware of my body’s response to life…because I am always on a new alert as if it will be my last.

My heart is still sluggish but technically back to normal.  However, what baffles the multi team of doctors and cardiologists is why I went into cardiac arrest.

They diagnosed me as having takotsubo / stress cardiomyopathy, also known as broken heart disease.  Most people who get this, often young and healthy females, do not go into cardiac arrest.

So…Mr. Big’s death hit me so hard that three days later my heart broke.

He was, after all, my first baby with Dan.

My first dog.

He taught me how to love and care for someone other than myself, how to prep to care for a little human.

He was there with me through all of infertility.

Through IVF.

Through transfers and my miscarriage.

Through my pregnancy.

He was there when my water broke.

He was there when I got home with Ferris.

He was with me for 11 years of memories and suddenly gone.

And there I was…fighting for my own life at 37 years old.

Healthy, a runner, never done drugs, not overweight, no history of heart disease, and no preexisting conditions.

A medical mystery.

Suddenly I felt like I did when I was told I have infertility.

Alone.

Scared.

Confused.

Sad.

Angry.

Unprepared.

Praying and asking for guidance for one more day.

And yet, I am alive.

If there is anything I continue to advocate and teach Ferris it is that we are not exempt from anything.

Don’t you ever think the world owes you anything because it doesn’t.  The world doesn’t owe you a thing.

And that goes from cardiac arrest to miscarriage to infertility diagnosis.

I am not exempt from any of this just because I am me.

Which is why I will now add this recent chain of events as new pages in my continued work of advocacy.

To take you along on the road of infertility.

To listen to your stories, one more day.

To do all I can to be a role model to my son, one more day.

Forever grateful that God hasn’t given me anything I cannot handle,

Because we are strongest when we have no other choice.

I have a Beanie Baby ghost named Spooky that was given to me when I was in the hospital with an allergic reaction when I was in high school.  It was a gift from the after-school employment I had working for my dad, to remind me that I got through a scary event and people were thinking of me.

I decided that I would no longer only have it out for Halloween decor, as I need to see it and celebrate getting through life’s scary moments, all year round.

Now I will forever have a defibrillator.  Currently, I wear the Life Vest as I wait for my pace maker to be implanted.

Another part of my story of courage, strength, and opportunity to change the world with my work.  And I chose to share this with you, to put this down in writing, because I need to remember these moments as I wake up, one more day.

Instead of crying why me, I need to be thankful that I survived.

This is a new page in my story.  One I wasn’t prepared to write so soon, but one that has value and meaning and needs to be told.

Just like infertility, miscarriage, and now my heart health, they do not define me, but help to create the woman I am continually growing into and becoming.

And the future is bright, as I have a lot more work to do as we continue to turn another page.

The post The Day I Died appeared first on Tess Kossow.

The post “How do we make a family?” appeared first on Tess Kossow.

Today’s blog post is something different. I am honored to share the page with Mr. Brandon Johnson, a male focused therapist who specializes in infertility.

 Because infertility is a diagnosis that effects both women AND men.  And I wrote the I’m Very Ferris children’s picture book series for all genders and all races from all different families to come together to learn and respect and be proud of the beauty of IVF.

 Ladies and gentleman, please enjoy the wise words of Brandon Johnson from infertilityisntinferior.com.

Keeping Fertility Secrets

Who to tell and how to discuss your Infertility Journey

It never fails, once you’re in a steady relationship or marriage everyone begins to ask, “When are you having children?” However, you have already started to try to have children. Do you and your partner know how much you should discuss and share about this journey?

When conceiving does present a problem, everyone has their opinion on what you should do. Before you get caught up in others opinions, you are your partner need to carve out time to discuss a few important things. You have to protect your relationship/marriage. This is the most vital step! Not everyone will give advice with your best interest in mind. Not everyone will agree with the steps you will take.

 Express your emotions

The first step is to discuss with yourself and then your partner, your ultimate feelings on your Infertility diagnosis. When it comes to your relationship/marriage and infertility, it is important to be open and honest with each other about your feelings and expectations. Most of my male clients focus on their wife’s feelings and never think through his own feelings. He leaves out his perspective in how to accomplish their next steps in the infertility journey, because he is only focused on his partner.

It is important to know what each other are thinking and feeling from the beginning and throughout the infertility journey. This will dictate whether you should share what is happening. This is not the time in which you should suppress your emotions. It will not only delay your next steps, but will cause internal problems, if information is shared with others.

Deciding on what to share

As a couple you decide what information you want to share. There is a level of intimacy with infertility that you do not want to share with others. This is probably not the time to discuss your sex life. In my personal and professional opinion, it is never a good idea to discuss your sex life with friends and family. Discuss with your partner which intimate details that are share-able. Do not deviate from that list in respect for yourself and your partner.

Some things to consider not sharing is who is actually infertile, the plan to do controversial medical procedures such as IVF, or your Adoption plans. As time goes forward, you can update your share-able list. However keep in mind that this is done when you and your partner BOTH feel ready.

Plan Whom to tell.

Telling your family about your infertility diagnosis seems like the obvious choice, until you begin to consider the sibling who keeps getting pregnant on “accident”. This can create a comparison situation which has caused many of my clients to withhold sharing. The person that you should open up to first is someone you have an unbreakable trust with. Make three (3) lists with your partner of people whom you can share with. The first list is filled with people you can share previously decided intimate information with. These persons will try to comfort you and I advise you to give them the permission to do so. They may not know exactly what to say, but grant them grace.

As time goes on and you become more comfortable with your diagnosis, you can begin to talk to other people. You won’t feel as vulnerable. You will find these people on your second list. They do not need details and play by play actions of your journey, but you want to give them an answer to “Are you having children?”

Not everyone deserves to know about your journey. There are people who want to help and others who want to gossip. You have a right to privacy, and the right to protect your fertility. You will know the people in which you need to keep quiet around. They will probe for more information, but you can simply say “This topic is not up for discussion.” These people are on the third list.

Encouragement

Take ownership of your journey and how you walk this path. Protect your infertility and your feelings. Most of all, protect your spouse as infertility is a couple’s concern and no one travels through it alone.

If you had a failed IUI, IVF, Embryo adoption, or Adoption you may not be ready to tell someone immediately. You will need some time to process the pain and your next steps. In some cases your family will have a negative reaction to the limited information, but the final say is with you and your partner. Do not let anyone make you feel bad for your choices. Be strong, and do not let anyone pressure you.

If you keep finding hardships, barriers and emotional pain on your Infertility journey, know that you are not alone. There are relationship therapists that can help you and your partner. Do not hesitate to reach out, because we are Stronger Together!

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IVF Children’s Book – Top 5 Review

Our infertility journey took about 10 years for us to conceive our two children. But it honestly feels like a lifetime! Now that we have an almost teenage daughter and a 5-year old as well as talking more openly about our fertility struggles with our family and friends now, our kids have grown curious of OUR STORY .

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