I recently had the ultimate pleasure to host a women’s book club with my girl, Chrissy Somers (#SorryNotSorry) from Families on the Fox. We hosted a BYOB at Scentcerely Yours and had a down-to-Earth discussion on the hardest job in the world: Motherhood. And if you have not read or listened to Sh*tty Mom: The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us, I highly recommend it. You might be offended. You might laugh your ass off. You might feel like you will never be alone in your thoughts again.
Regardless, I am confident enough to admit that a lot of the book was referencing someone like me, and I can laugh at myself. I know what kind of athletic, healthy, hoity-toity mother I am, and the world needs me to balance things out in the maternal field.
I can say as an IVF advocate, she did make a few comments and some were senseless and some hit home for me. One thing that I will go into detail that made me feel as if she said what people think is the stigma behind having only one child. And I will do my best to keep this IVF focused and let you do your own analysis on the book in it’s entirety, but she made a comment that it is perfectly acceptable to have one child. She then boldly, but in my opinion truthfully, says there are two types of people who go on to have a lot of children: the very poor and the very rich. The very poor because they cannot afford or do not have the intelligence to use birth control and the very rich because they can afford surrogacy and IVF.
As someone who went through IVF, and it changed my life in more ways than one, I nodded and agreed wholeheartedly. IVF is expensive. IVF is invasive. IVF allows you (to think you can) stop the hands of time and decide when you think you want to have a baby.
For most common gals, such as myself, I emotionally, physically, and financially could only endure one round of IVF. I did not have the heart, mind, and wallet to continue to try, try again if IVF did not work for my husband and I the first round.
It’s different for the very rich, and I found this chapter quite fascinating that someone, either looking for a laugh or not, could so boldly come out and say this without looking back.
The other interesting aspect about co-hosting this particular book, and going through infertility, was prompted by some very thought-provoking questions from the group. One, in particular, asked me how I felt when this book, and many women, constantly complain about their child(ren), and how life was so much more fun without them always around, when I am someone that went through infertility, publicly, to have a baby.
I was very honored to answer this question in front of everyone. Even though I am not a doctor nor am I an expert on infertility and IVF, I am a first-time mom without many years of experience, and I felt as if I were asked to speak on behalf of all women with infertility. It was flattering.
However, I spoke with my own opinion intact and explained that infertility made me tough. It showed me how far I was willing to go to get something, and I would forever remember that having a baby was not easy for me. As mothers, we all have our moments of weakness and breaking down, and saying how tough this is to raise a life with zero instruction. It’s the ignorance that people have toward infertility and IVF that get’s me upset. It’s those that toss around how easy it is for them to have a baby and a family and doesn’t give a damn about those she is hurting around her. It’s those that don’t have respect for people with infertility who are suffering or have suffered that get me red in the chest. Not someone complaining because they are having “one of those days.”
Sh*tty Mom actually reminded me how lucky I am to be a mommy and to have my son. It gave me an extra boost of confidence that we all go about this journey in our own ways, and who cares if people don’t agree with the way I am doing things? It made me want to hug my baby a little bit tighter and go a little bit easier on myself in the mirror next time.
Because at one point, we are all Sh*tty Moms, and that my friend, makes us stronger together. (#Don’tMessWithTess)